


Here in the real world

by zazajb



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-07
Updated: 2014-03-07
Packaged: 2018-01-14 22:23:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1280977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zazajb/pseuds/zazajb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p> Jack is struggling to cope... <br/>Lots of angst but trust me, yeah?</p><p>Hopeless old romantic here remember!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Here in the real world

Title: Here in the real world  
Author: zazajb  
Rating: NC-17, adult concepts, occasional language, M/M  
Pairings/Characters: Jack/Ianto, mentions of team  
Spoilers: possible all TW, DW s3 **Warning:** angst, you might need tissues...  
Summary:  Jack is struggling to cope... 

Inspired by the words of this heartbreaker…  [ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4a46PvKcgU&feature=youtube_gdata_player ](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4a46PvKcgU&feature=youtube_gdata_player)

Fic masterlist:  [ http://zazajb.livejournal.com/6286.html ](http://zazajb.livejournal.com/6286.html)

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters - just like to put right some of the awful wrongs of their real owners...  
  
X-posted Jantolution , jackxianto, tw_proper & jantosparkle [apologies to those getting this multiple times] 

A/N It’s now been _two years_ since my first ever TW fic and I never thought I’d become quite so addicted or write so much… Thank you to everyone who’s read my stories. I hope you have enjoyed reading as much as I’ve enjoyed writing and I thank you for your friendship – you really are very special people * **hugs** *

A/N2 this is for [](http://sassysailorgirl.livejournal.com/profile)[ **sassysailorgirl**](http://sassysailorgirl.livejournal.com/)   Happy Birthday sweetheart and I hope this is the start of a wonderful year for you where you get to see all your dreams and aspirations start to come true. With all my love... xxx

** Here in the Real World... **

The sun set amid an explosion of reds and golds, vibrant colours setting the sky aflame in a breathtaking display as it reflected off the surface of the sea. Sighing heavily as he gazed out over the bay, Jack saw none of the beauty, his world reduced to a uniform grey, heavy with loss and inescapable duty. At least the night now approached.

He could lose himself in the night...

Closing his eyes, he willed sleep to come, to drive away the gnawing physical pain of his reality... The room faded away and he was chasing a weevil through a dingy alley, coat billowing, full hero-style, behind him, spray held aloft as he drove it behind an industrial skip...

“Ready... _now!_ ” 

There was the sound of spraying and a pleasing thud as the stunned creature hit the floor. By the time Jack had rounded the skip, Ianto had emptied a syringe of sedative into the weevil’s neck and was cuffing its hands. Jack crouched down beside him, holding out the black hood for the creature’s head. Grinning, the Welshman took it, tugged it into place and together they hoisted the unconscious alien over Jack’s shoulder for the walk back to the SUV at the top of the alley.

Neither spoke, content just to share the moment. It was a strange life...but it was _their_ life and if keeping the city safe meant being dragged out of bed – and away from far more pleasurable pursuits – then so be it...

With the weevil dumped in the boot, they climbed back into the car. Hands brushed faces as they turned to each other and leant forward to share a soft kiss. It was a ritual of sorts...every safe encounter was marked with a kiss...or more...

Back at the hub the weevil was allocated a cell, hood removed, hands freed and it was left to sleep it off. Jack reached for Ianto’s hand and led him wordlessly back to his office, down the ladder and into his bunk where they resumed the sweet pleasures of tender loving until, warm and sated they curled up together, hands entwined, blissfully drowsy... 

In his sleep, Jack’s lips curved into a smile... _Last night I dreamt you were lying beside me...I smelled the sweetness of your hair..._ His arms closed tightly around the pillow... _you gently reached out to remind me of how it used to be..._ Yawning widely, he opened his eyes and gazed into... _and I almost believed that this morning I’d find you still there..._ a gaping empty space... Jack’s heart sank and the comforting warmth of his cosy bunk evaporated instantly.

Hurling the bedclothes away, he sat up and buried his face in his hands as reality settled hard and heavy back on his shoulders like an iron overcoat... _but here in the real world..._

Routine took over – a shower, a coffee – it was Ianto’s blend and Ianto’s coffee machine...but it wasn’t...wouldn’t ever be...Ianto’s coffee... It was here, the first coffee of the day that he felt Ianto’s loss the most acutely – those intimate moments when it was just the two of them in the hub and it felt like they were the only two people in the world. Sometimes they’d just stand in the kitchen, enjoying the pleasures of simply being as they leant against each other; other times they’d take their coffee outside to lean on the railings and on those really early mornings they’d take them up to the roof of the Millennium Centre to snuggle up in Jack’s coat as they watched the sun come up over the city they protected... _I miss you madly, in the real world..._

He fed the inmates, checked the rift predictor and prowled the archives...a lonely figure rattling around in a space which had once felt like home and now felt like a barren world, devoid of life or anything remotely worth living for... _I’m coping badly with losing you..._

He blinked the tears away as he delved into his pocket and pulled out Ianto’s favourite red silk tie. It still smelled faintly of the man he adored with every atom of his being...the man he would give _anything_ to see again, to hold again...to kiss again... _Ianto...my beautiful Ianto_... _What am I to do?_

_ Here in the real world, without you... _

The day passed as any other day since his world had ground to a halt...since _that_ day when his selfishness and ego had surely condemned the man he loved...loved like no-one ever before... His need to have Ianto beside him had killed him as surely as if he’d put a gun to his head and pulled the trigger...

It was his fault...the great Jack Harkness had killed the one man he loved more than life itself...

His thoughts followed the well-worn path, synapses pondered the _if only..._

_ If only he’d stayed with Gwen and Rhys... _

_ If only he’d thought it out before charging in... _

_ If only... _

This time he allowed the tears to fall unchecked... _Ianto..._ Draping the tie around his neck, he headed for his favourite rooftop to wait for darkness...

_Last night I dreamt of a different ending..._ Ianto had elected to stay outside Thames House, back-up in case things went wrong or they were double crossed by the Government...well, they _had_ tried to kill them all several times and getting shot at or blown up _wasn’t_ on his top ten favourite moments! A brief, but hotly passionate, kiss had conveyed all they needed to say...before Jack went in alone...” _Jack Harkness...Torchwood...”_

_Everything just seemed to work out somehow..._ when he’d revived on the floor, Ianto had been there, hands entwined with his own, that tiny _just-for-Jack-when-we’re-alone_ smile on his lips as he leant forward to whisper “ _welcome back...”_ A long and fruitful life ensued and Ianto had died peacefully in his arms, warm in their bed at a grand old age...

Jack would tell stories of their adventures, share the memories of his one true soul-mate...memories that drew a smile rather than a tear... _I saw that, some day, I could smile again without pretending..._

His heart sank and the breath died in his throat as the morning brought the same pain and physical ache and his reaching arms met nothing but empty space... _I was so sure I’d wake up and I wouldn’t need you right now...  Ianto..._

_But here, here in the real world..._

Striding through the city centre shops he saw the Welshman’s face at every turn – the coffee shop where they’d share warm brioche on a Sunday morning, the greengrocer’s where they’d queue up to buy grapes and cherries and Jack would flirt outrageously with the owner who’d call them both _bach_ and always slip a little something extra into their carrier bag...the shop where Ianto got his coffee beans and Jack would tease him for getting so excited when he found a different blend... _I miss you madly, in the real world..._

It hurt...still hurt... Every breath was an effort and he knew Gwen was fed up with his ‘mooning’ around –  and she didn’t mean the drop-your-trousers type of mooning either... “We all miss him, Jack...but you have to move on...” _I’m coping badly with losing you - what am I to do?_

Truth was, he didn’t want to move on...nothing mattered any more...time had simply stopped the day he’d lost his beloved Ianto and it was killing him – oh the bitter irony, seeing as how he couldn’t ever die... _here in the real world, without you..._

Rhys had tried – on Gwen’s orders no doubt, but he could see that Rhys did kind of understand why he couldn’t let go... _Oh, friends tell me, I must not look back..._ Lois had suggested gently that Ianto wouldn’t want him to grieve...would want him to get out there and live life... _there are still more rails, just to head on that track..._ maybe do some of those things they’d planned to do together – to keep his memory alive like that, rather than...she’d stopped at that point, patted his arm and left him clutching the battered photo of them at Gwen’s wedding...he closed his eyes as he remembered...

He did try...really he did... Sundays Jack would go to the coffee shop and order hazelnut coffee and brioche, sitting in a booth as he attempted the crossword as Ianto always did...invariably his coffee would go cold, the brioche would sit untouched and he’d flick through the paper after just a couple of clues had reminded him how Ianto wasn’t there, tapping his bottom lip thoughtfully with his pen as he pondered two across with that delightful tilt of his head... _my stars say I’m getting over the fact that you’re gone..._ The paper would be folded carefully...just as he used to do...and he’d leave with tears swimming in his eyes...

_But, here, here in the real world..._ the days were endless – now they had extra staff to cope with the rift and the pressure was off...in reality, he was nothing more than a figurehead now – Gwen did the day-to-day running, Rhys had taken on most of Ianto’s tasks and they had Lois, Andy and Lonny...a sarcastic Irish medic who reminded him eerily of Owen in many of his mannerisms... 

So, with time on his hands, he found himself gazing out from his rooftop as he desperately re-lived their all too short time together... _I miss you madly, in the real world..._

He wrapped his coat around himself as the rain came down harder...Ianto had loved his coat...many a session down in his bunker, Ianto in nothing but 1940s heavy wool as they’d kissed and writhed and lost themselves in each other, finally slumping in a tangled sweaty heap, bodies tingling as they came down from their orgasmic high... He dug his fingernails into his hand until he drew blood...no pain, just empty numbness as he watched the tiny half-moon cuts heal almost instantly. Physical hurt he could heal...the rest...not a chance... _I’m coping badly with losing you - what am I to do?_

_Here in the real world, without you..._ He stepped off into nothingness, a minute respite from the pain as blackness claimed him... _Ianto..._

_ Here in the real world – I am lost without you... _

He gasped that agonising first breath and reached out for the welcoming arms that used to hold him, used to ease the path back from the dark... His groping hands met nothing but cold empty space and he broke down into heaving sobs that shook his body as pain and loss engulfed him all over again...

The bedroom door was pushed open and the laden tray was dumped on the bedside table with a clatter. Warm arms encircled his body and held him close, rocking him gently as the familiar scent of his beloved Welshman flooded his senses “Sshh...it’s okay...I’m here...” 

Soft lips sought his as his tears were brushed aside tenderly and they melted against each other... Pulling away gently, Ianto moved back into the bed so he was lying beside the trembling man, wrapping him tightly into his arms as he buried his face into Jack’s hair “Another nightmare, cariad...was it the same one...the one where I’m..?”

Jack mumbled an affirmative against his chest and he instinctively tightened his hold, before shifting his position so he could plant soft kisses over the other man’s face and neck, fingers threading through hair as their lips met in a hungry kiss and they pressed hard and needy against each other, passion building with every swipe of tongue against tongue...

“Need you, Ianto...” Jack growled into the Welshman’s ear when they surfaced briefly for air, “show me you’re alive... _we’re alive together..._ love me so I know it’s real... _”_

Reaching for his Captain once more, Ianto trailed his fingers over Jack’s warm flesh, dancing around the entrance to his body, kissing away the low moans of pleasure as he slipped first one, then a second finger inside him, moving them slowly until they found that magic spot and Jack cried out in pleasure...

Ianto pulled back from Jack’s kiss swollen lips as he removed his fingers and lined himself up. Pressing into Jack’s hot, tight heat, he gazed into his eyes “you’re here, now...with me...here in the real world...” before claiming his lips roughly as they moved together, hurtling towards that glorious precipice of release...  

End

A/N As a hopeless old romantic I had to have a happy ending...happy Christmas everyone xxx   
  


**Author's Note:**

> Reposted from my LJ


End file.
